Why did you lie? Yesterday when Joel asked you how many times you masturbated....you said once. Then last night you said at least 3 times. I am so ashamed to admit you are my husband....I've always thought that I had good judgement. The images won't leave my head. I close my eyes and all I see is you masturbating to your 16 year old. What is wrong with you that you would do this? I just cannot get over it.

I hate myself....I hate myself for being here right now. I hate myself for marrying you in the first place. I hate myself for KNOWING that cheated in the past, cheated on me, and I STILL MARRIED YOU! I am disgusted with myself for ever loving you.

I feel so sick at the thought of you. I feel sick that I could have ever trusted you. I feel sick that when I think back to the time I had in Maine before you got there, that you were here chatting away like a pervert. I feel so upset that you felt that you couldn't tell me your struggles...so I guess this was the fucking alternative????

Anything that happened when you were little was out of your control....but this was. That makes me ill. The fact that you even tried to cover it all up...knowing it was wrong and CONTINUING with it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

You are not the person I thought I married. I have no sympathy for you. I have no idea if I can ever forgive you. I don't know if I am even capable of that level of forgiveness and grace. Because for me to get over this, I need a complete brainwashing of the incident, and I'm thinking that probably isn't going to happen.